My James Deen Conundrum

I am, admittedly, late to jumping on the James Deen bandwagon.

Who's yummy? James is yummy!

I discovered him quite by accident a few weeks ago and was hooked like a fish… and like so many other females before me. There’s something about this guy. He’s cute, but certainly not drop-dead gorgeous. A bit shorter than I like my men and definitely quite a bit younger than I like. And he’s a skinny little shit. His cock is gorgeous, but he’s not extremely hugely well-endowed. And he has an incredibly lickable little butthole. If you’ve read my blog, you know I enjoy all things anal and would love the chance to tongue his bum.

What drew me in, though, is the obvious fact that he really enjoys women. Likes women. Of all shapes and sizes, colors and varieties. I’ve seen videos of him fucking tiny little waifs and women that are bigger than me… and I’m a cow! Black, white, Asian… he likes them all. And I don’t mean “likes” like any normal hetero guy… he really enjoys a woman’s body and enjoys doing whatever it takes to get them off, whether it’s kissing, holding hands, whispering dirty sweet-nothings in their ears or smacking them in the face.

What? Smacking them in the face?

Yes, Mr. Deen has quite the Dom streak in him as well as the boy next door.

Angel

And this is where my conundrum starts to kick in. James Deen, through no fault of his own, has become a teenage girl’s wet dream. For me, it was Shaun Cassidy (shut up). For many girls today, it’s James. I’d venture a guess that for most of these teenagers, their first introduction to him was through one of his vanilla scenes. The ones where he’s seduced by his girlfriend’s mom or plays the innocent delivery man that is conned into fucking the sultry ingenue. Imagine their surprise when they click a link to one of his scenes for kink.com!

Devil

Now, I love me some kink. I’ve been there… I’ve experienced subspace and know what an exhilarating feeling it is. But I was in my mid 30s when I experienced it. I don’t know that I could have handled that when I was a teen, just learning about sex.

Teenage girls have low self-esteem. Being a teenage girl is hell on earth. It’s a miserable time. Hormones are all wonky, peer pressure… and teenage girls are just fucking monsters. Mean as shit.

It’s a self-defense mechanism, yes. We girls are so down on ouselves when we’re teens that the only way we can cope is to lash out at others. It’s terrible. I was bullied… and I bullied others. As an adult, I feel like shit about the way I treated one particular girl in high school. She didn’t deserve my wrath… and I didn’t deserve the wrath I received from other girls. It’s a vicious, evil cycle. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for girls today… Facebook, Twitter, texting. We know it’s driven more than one teen to suicide.

I wouldn’t trade places with them for anything.

The point to all this is that it would be very easy for girls, who feel lacking in every way anyway, to allow themselves to be treated like the girls in the kink.com videos that they see James acting in. As adults, we know what is actually happening in those videos. We get that in the BDSM world, the submissive is, in actuality, the one with ALL the power.

The submissive controls the action and can call a stop to it at anytime, in a safe, sane and consensual setting. But unless you’ve studied this world, how can you know this? A 16 year old girl and her 17 or 18 year old boyfriend aren’t going to know the rules. And even if they do read up on it, can their developing minds truly grasp the importance of the rules?

I wouldn’t have been able to. As a teenage girl experimenting with all things sexual, I didn’t understand that I was supposed to enjoy it as much as the boy did. I put up with anything and everything my early partners did and never uttered a word, even if I absolutely hated it. Calling stop to the action would have ended up branding me as a cold fish. And “prude” is just another label that no teenage girl wants to carry around.

So what’s to stop these girls from going from the cutesy James Deen porn to the rough James Deen porn and pulling that into their real lives and getting seriously hurt… physically AND emotionally? Have any of these kids read the contracts on kink.com? I doubt it.

And as a woman, that scares me to death for these kids.

A true Dom respects his sub above all else. And that is key. A true Dom knows when the scene ends. And that isn’t knowledge that most teenage boys have… Hell, a lot of adult men don’t get it, either.

I don’t want any girl to think that they deserve anything else than 100% respect from any man. That lack of self-esteem all teenage girls feel can easily stretch into their adulthood. And that is the road to living life going through one abusive relationship after another. In my work, I see this everyday. These kids have lived with abuse all their lives… it’s all they know and they repeat the cycle.

Breaking that cycle can be almost impossible.

Now, none of this is anything James Deen has asked for. He can’t control who watches his videos. He’s an adult acting in an adult industry. The internet makes his work accessible to anyone who wants to see it. He has no control over this so I’m not blaming him in any way.

Yes, please. Sir.

I adore him… both in his role as goofy boy next door and his role as a Dominant. I want to hold hands with him and kiss and cuddle and whisper sweet dirty things to him. I also want him to tie me to a rack, attach some nipple clamps and spank me so hard I’m bruised for weeks. Depending on my mood, I want him to call me either “sweetie” or “cumslut”.

Because at 42, I understand from watching his work and reading his words, that in the end, he would be a gentleman and respect me as a sexual woman and I should expect no less.

Can these 16 year old girls make that same distinction between the fantasy of James Deen and the reality of the boys who just want to get in their pants?

A Dangerous Topic, Part Two

I received a comment, or two actually, regarding my post last night on abortion and now I feel I need to clarify some things.

I doubt that this is going to make any difference to the person who posted the comments or anyone else who believes the way he does. Growing up in Kentucky, I’ve certainly run across the type before. Opinion becomes fact and education and truth are the enemies.

I think the entire point of my post got lost… I was simply trying to say, in my convoluted way, that I can’t state beyond all doubt that I am pro-choice. That it’s a complex issue, never simple, never easy.

I’m going to address this gentleman’s points one at a time.

As a man, I have no reproductive rights before or after the baby. If the mother choses(sic) to kick me out and pimp out our child, I have minimal recourse. Some firm legal right to fatherhood would be good. And likewise, if I chose not to have the baby I’d like some legal right to cut my ties- no child support, no legal hassles, if I chose not to have the child I’m not forced to. That way the woman has control over her body, even if the condom breaks, and so do I.

Let me be really clear about my feelings on this. Anytime two consenting adults make the decision to have sex, there is a possibility that there will be a resulting pregnancy. Other than abstinence, there is no form of birth control that is 100%. There is a chance of failure or error with each and every method.

If you make the choice to have sex, you have to be prepared to take responsibility for the consequences. It may be HIV. It may be herpes. It may be a child.

If there is a pregnancy and the female decides to have the child, even though the male has no desire to be a father, well… tough shit. You were a consenting partner. You didn’t have to take the risk of having sex but you did. I think that’s a two way street, also. Let’s say the woman doesn’t want the child but the man does. If that child is born, unless BOTH parties agree than one has the freedom to walk away, both parents should be held responsible.

No one gets to shirk their responsibility except women, who can abort their children or send them off to be adopted. Just as it would be traumatizing to force a woman to raise a child against her will, it’s traumatizing to force me to pay for skimpy underwear for my ex wife and her new boytoy while she denies me visitation rights to my children.

I think his last sentence says it all. There is obviously some issue. I will say that as a person who works very closely with the family court system, he’s not being denied visitation rights unless there is a reason. There is more to the story than this.

End of this part of the story, though… no one should be able to shirk their responsibility for a child. No one. You made the baby, you are responsible. Yes, I believe the system needs to be changed because I believe that men should have a say in the decision to abort a pregnancy or not. But the system should NOT be changed to allow anyone to simply walk away.

If you don’t want the responsibility for a child, it’s simple. Don’t have sex.

 Planned parenthood was founded to abort black babies, or negroes as they liked to call them, and disabled people, so I doubt we’re going to have a world without abortion any time soon, while black people still live in America. Or any other undesirables.

Planned Parenthood was NOT founded for these reasons. This is patently false information. Margaret Sanger was one of 11 children. Her mother died at age 50 after 18 pregnancies. Margaret was a nurse in the lower east side of New York and saw woman after woman after woman die from botched self abortions. The year was 1916. Birth control was unheard of. Women did not have the freedom to decide when or if they would become pregnant. Planned Parenthood was founded to educate and instruct women about birth control. It had nothing to do with aborting black children and other “undesirables”. It was not a race issue. Abortion played no part in the early days of Planned Parenthood. That is typical conservative rhetoric, plain and simple. 

As to her racism, while I am in no means defending Margaret Sanger, the fact of the matter is that during that period, lots and lots of people where racist, at least to some degree. That’s just a sad fact. The American Civil Rights Movement didn’t begin until the 1950s. Margaret Sanger was hardly alone in her beliefs that whites were superior to blacks.

But if you look at what she did, she was probably one of the least racist racists of her time. She worked very, very closely with African Americans and had their support and respect. The founder of the NAACP as well as Dr. King hardly found her to be inexcusably racist.

 She was pro life, as a lapsed catholic, but planned parenthood certainly isn’t, and the other members were less pro life. And her eugenics views were common among those who founded planned parenthood.

Lapsed Catholic, yes. Atheist, yes. Her views on abortion had nothing to do with religion. Her opinion was that life began at conception. This was her scientific belief, not a religious belief. Her moral beliefs were like all of us, that murder is wrong. I differ from her… I do not believe life begins at conception. She did. Margaret Sanger never condoned abortion. She condoned contraception. Planned Parenthood didn’t begin offering abortion services until long after her death. Until that point, there focus was strictly on women’s health (which coat-hanger abortions weren’t good for) and on contraception. Roe v. Wade was 1974. Prior to that, abortion was illegal in 30 states and heavily restricted in the 20 others.

As far as eugenics go, she believed in sterilization and/or mandatory contraception for people who were found to be “retarded”. And you know what? I agree with her. In much as the same way I don’t believe children should have children, I don’t believe that mentally (not physically) retarded people should have children. Those who do not have the mental capabilities to fully understand what it means to conceive and raise a child should not be allowed, or forced, to have children.

She did not believe in using eugenics to eliminate “undesirables” in the way the religious right would like us to believe. There were no tests at the time to determine if a child would be born with physical or mental disabilities and as we’ve already covered, she did not believe in abortion. Therefore it is foolish to buy into the notion that she wanted to eliminate any human being. It’s simply not true.

It was a different time. Science and medicine are NOT where they are today. Eugenics, like most things, can be used for good or evil. Hitler, ethnic cleansing… absolutely evil. Using eugenics to, let’s say, eradicate the chromosomal anomalies that cause Down’s Syndrome? NOT to eradicate people with Down’s or prevent them from being born, but to eliminate the chromosomal abnormality that causes a fetus to develop with Down’s? How is that bad? The fetus is still there… the condition is not. I am not a doctor, or a scientist and have absolutely no idea if this type of eugenics is even possible… but, my interest in exploring the possibility doesn’t come from an evil place and I don’t believe Margaret Sanger’s did, either.

She did believe in segregation based on race or mental capacity and I have no defense for that. The woman, like all of us, certainly wasn’t perfect and times were very different then. Or maybe not so much, since there are still plenty of people who believe in building walls around all our borders to keep out the so-called undesirables.

Abortion is the lazy woman’s birth control. Forgot to wear a condom? Have an abortion.

So, so not true. NOT true. It has nothing to do with laziness. If it did, we wouldn’t have women all over the country that are 22 years old with 5 kids. If it were as easy as skipping off to the mall, there would be abortion clinics on every corner. I live in a very metropolitan area. How many abortion clinics do we have? One. In my state? Two.

Abortion is emotionally, mentally and physically traumatic. I won’t say there aren’t any women who use abortion as a means of birth control but that has more to do with ignorance than laziness. This is why in addition to my belief that abortions should only be performed after 16 weeks in very, very rare circumstances but there should also be a limit. After your second abortion, no more. I don’t have any clue how this could be enforced, as there will always be vultures who will gladly operate a back alley abortion clinic if the business is there.

Admittedly, I’m a Pollyanna. I believe in our younger generation. I have hope that one day, we’ll be able to eliminate the need for 99% of abortions performed today through contraception. Religious wingnuts are a dying breed. Every day, more and more people are walking away from religion and I hope for a day when people don’t base their beliefs on myths taken from a book. There are new scientific discoveries every day. People are starting to rely on facts over faith. Starting to think for themselves rather than blindly believing what others would wish them to believe.

Hopefully, the day will come when every pregnancy is welcomed and every child born is wanted.

Side note: I just read up on all the laws, past and present, regarding abortion in the United States. It’s truly a clusterfuck. And it’s because there is no definition of when life begins. During the Roe v. Wade debates, the Supreme Court declined to even discuss attempting to define it as, according to them, philosophers, theologians and doctors can’t come to a consensus and basically said that if those disciplines couldn’t figure it out, the court sure as hell couldn’t, either.

Perhaps abortion shouldn’t be a legal issue at all, but instead a moral one decided upon by individuals. Judge not, say the religious folks, for that’s God’s job… so let him. Law should not be based upon any set of religious beliefs, Christian OR Sharia. 

But then without legal intervention, men have no rights at all when it comes to conception, contraception and termination of a pregnancy.

Which brings me right the fuck back around to where I started.

I’m an intelligent person but when it comes to this subject, I have to say… I simply don’t know.

A Dangerous Topic

I had a couple of topics I was ready to blog about and as I sat down to write, none of them worked for me.

Something else is on my mind… abortion.

I’m 42 years old and if anyone were to ask me, I’m pro-choice. I’m as liberal as liberal can be and proud of it. I donate to Planned Parenthood.

But the thing is… I’m not so certain when it comes right down to it.

I’m thankful that I’ve never been in the position to have to make that choice. At different times in my life, I’ve thought about how I’d handle it if I did.

In my 20s, I never questioned that I would have an abortion if the need arrived. I was militant pro-choice. Roe v. Wade put the decision in our hands and by God, I would exercise my right to terminate a pregnancy. I took a friend to have an abortion. It was sad and miserable. Not so much for her… the decision was made and it was a strong one for her. She had an abusive asshole of a boyfriend, a piece of shit family and no prospects. She would have been tied to that asshole for life if she’d had the baby. But still… there was another couple there. Unlike any of the other people I remember seeing. They were married. And quite clearly had money and were educated. And she cried the entire time they were there and he held her hand and consoled her. I don’t know what their story was… I have no idea what their life held but they were so, so sad.

In my 30s, I thought that if I ever got pregnant, I was thankful that I had the choice and my choice would be to have the baby and give him up for adoption. I was in a position where I wouldn’t have to hide being pregnant. I had people around me who would be supportive. But I absolutely didn’t want a child. I also am well aware that there are plenty of wonderful people who would be great parents and are unable to have children of their own. It would be a gift that I could give them.

Now I’m in my 40s. I actually had a pregnancy scare about a year ago. After being like clockwork with my periods all my life, 25 days, I suddenly went 39 days without a period and I was convinced my luck had run out. I had a lover and had been careless a couple of times. Over 40, single and pregnant? No thank you. My eggs are old now. I’m an overweight smoker. Birth defects would be a very real possibility. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I would have had an abortion.

Luckily, it was a false alarm. My periods have been all over the board since then and I’m hoping it’s pre-menopause.

I’ve always felt that abortions need to be very limited. Sixteen weeks. If you can’t figure out you’re pregnant and make the decision in four months, either you’ve already made the decision and want the baby, or you’re too stupid to be trusted with the decision. Harsh, yes, but beyond 16 weeks is just… I don’t know, I guess that’s where my line is.

Here’s the other thing. It takes two people to create a baby. I’ve always felt that both parents hold  equal responsibility. My view might be a bit off since I grew up with two amazing parents with an amazing marriage and an amazing love for all of us kids.

And here’s where my pro-choice beliefs fall off the rails. If both parents are equally responsible, shouldn’t the decision on whether or not to terminate a pregnancy fall squarely on the shoulders of both?

Yes, it’s my body and decisions regarding my body should be left solely to me.

But a baby doesn’t just belong to the person carrying it. There is an egg and there is a sperm. A father’s love for a child doesn’t just begin the moment the child pops out of the womb.

So why shouldn’t he have a say?

Let’s say a woman wants an abortion but the man doesn’t. Pregnancy is hard on a woman’s body. It fucks up all kinds of stuff… not just changes to her body, but to her mind. Her hormones, her emotions. It’s dangerous. Pregnancy can, in fact, kill a woman. So how can a man have any right to force a woman to go through that?

But how can he not? It’s his child, too. And if she does go through with the pregnancy and gives the child to him to raise, does she have to pay child support?

A man would. If he knocks a woman up and she has the child, he would be expected to assume financial responsibility for the child even if he didn’t want it. He can’t force a woman to get an abortion.

Either parent should be held responsible. It took two to create the child. Birth control is the responsibility of both parties.

Whenever we talk about abortion, it’s either a woman’s issue or a religious issue. As an agnostic, I don’t believe in the christian god so I that’s really all I have to say on that half of the equation.

But as a woman’s issue? No. I just can’t see it as that. It’s a woman’s body, yes, and it sucks that the burden of childbirth lies firmly with women, but a child belongs to two people. It’s created by two people.

As far as choice goes, yes, I am absolutely pro-choice. Abortion should be legal and safe. If it is criminalized, much like drugs, abortions won’t stop. There will be seedy back alley abortion clinics performed by very dangerous people. Women will die.

In cases of rape, you’re damn right it is the woman’s decision. No question there.

But in every other case, this shouldn’t be a woman’s issue. This is a man’s issue, too. It is his child just as much as it is hers. I belong to my father just as much as I belong to my mother. By making it a woman’s issue, we are taking away a man’s right to choose, too, and that’s wrong.

If the sexes are ever truly going to be equal, we have to be equal in every single aspect. Because it’s a woman’s body should not give her ownership of a fetus. But because it’s a woman’s body, we shouldn’t give anyone else ownership of her uterus.

What’s the answer? I don’t know. I really don’t. Again, I’m so very thankful that this isn’t something I’ve been faced with. I don’t know, if that moment came, how I would determine my choice.

I guess the simplest answer is to use birth control. Use it faithfully and without fail. Don’t trust one method. Plan your pregnancies. If there are no unplanned pregnancies, this entire thing would be a moot point.

But that’s never going to happen, is it? Even the most intelligent teenagers are stupid when it comes to hormones. The same goes for 40 year olds, too, it seems. Men hate condoms. The Pill has some really nasty side effects.

I’m curious to know what men think. Should you have a say? Do you want to have that choice? Women, how about you? Do you believe the “your body, your say” philosophy?

(Jesus… looking for images for this post, I Googled “abortion”… big mistake. BIG mistake. Don’t do it… Just don’t. I don’t believe that a fetus becomes a child until it is viable outside the womb which is part of my 16 week cutoff. But even before the fetus is viable, it still looks like a child. The images are horrifying.

How about we strive for a world where there is no need for abortion, eh?)

 

Love For Sale

There is another way that women are being victimized in the United States other than in bad porn.

Prostitution.

And you know how to fix it?

It’s really easy… almost too easy…

Legalize it!

Legalize that shit NOW.

If a woman could legally sell her body for sex without fear of being tossed in jail to rot, she wouldn’t need a pimp offering her “protection”. And let’s face it, prostitutes are victimized by their pimps. Or they have to ply their wares in completely unsafe neighborhoods hidden away from polite society where they can easily be drugged, raped or killed. If it were legal, pimps would be a thing of the past. Almost instantly. I think most men, the johns, would prefer dealing directly with the woman they were planning the sex with, knowing that 100% of their payment would go directly to her.

Sure, there would be brothels… but, with legalizing it, there would be oversight and regulation. And whoever is running the brothel would have a huge reason to keep things running above board- if it gets shut down, his or her business is gone and the employees would simply go work somewhere else. Where they were treated well. And, believe me, there are plenty of people who would happily open them and run them extraordinarily well.

And let’s not forget… it’s my body. I can use it for damn near anything I want, except sex for money. And that’s bullshit. Puritanical bullshit. Old white men bullshit. How dare they tell me I can’t have sex with a man and charge him money for the pleasure! Of all the stupid, illogical, nonsensical horseshit. Every job we do for a paycheck involves the use of our bodies in some way. Typing on a keyboard, painting a wall, modeling clothes, preventing crime, counting pills for a prescription, performing surgery… everything. I can’t think of any jobs that don’t require you to use your body in some way. And, yes, most of them require you to use your brain, too.

And what is more sensual that a smart woman using her brains as well as her body during sex? Can you, gentlemen, imagine? I know there are plenty of high-class escorts out there now that do this very same thing, for thousands of dollars. Bless them. But they still have to operate their business under a veil of secrecy and that’s just stupid.

If prostitution were legal, the drug and alcohol abuse that is so rampant in prostitution would, partially, go away. There will always be women with low self-esteem and addictive personalities that can’t avoid it, but for the most part, if women were in control and could say no… choose the men they want as clients and not have to fuck and suck every scuzzy, smelly, fat, dirty, dangerous freak that waved a $20 in their faces, they wouldn’t have the need to deaden their senses to get through it.

Oh, and sex trafficking? There would be a terrible industry that would suffer a huge blow if prostitution were legalized.

When is America going to finally accept that sex isn’t dirty? That it’s nothing something to be ashamed of? It’s part of who we are… it defines our very existence. We areanimals. And we have needs. Sexual needs. Itches that need to be scratched. It’s not going to change.

There has always been sex. Always and forever. And it’s always felt good. It’s always been done for pleasure. How else did our species ever start? Think cavemen knew that fucking led to babies? Hell no… they knew it was the absolute most pleasurable thing they could do!

It’s not going away. And prostitution is not going away. It’s time to throw the archaic laws off the books and stop governing the way we women use our bodies. Women will never be equal until this happens because these are laws created by men that forbid us control over our bodies. It’s legal slavery.

It’s just one more way for women to be told we’re not as smart as men. They know better… Silly women wanting to sell their bodies. It’s for our own good. Trust them. They know what’s best for us.

You know what pisses me off? ANYONE telling me what’s best for me.

I’m not going to get into the moral arguments about prostitution. Different people have different morals. Some people still believe in God. That’s their thing and they can do and act however they want, so long as it doesn’t impede on me in any way.

My argument is regarding the law. Which is, theoretically, supposed to not be based on that silly book (the Bible). If our courts are not supposed to take Sharia law into account, then they shouldn’t take Christian law into account, either. Yes, the Bible condemns prostitution. And haircuts. So that tells you how much weight it should hold when deciding what is good or bad.

Our lawmakers need to grow the fuck up and stop thinking they know what is best for me and for my body. And they have, in lots of ways. I can vote now. And, yes, I can also have an abortion.

But I can’t have sex with a man of my choosing and charge him. That’s imbecilic.

Would I be a prostitute if it were legal? Probably not. Mainly because I’m a middle aged fat woman and I doubt I’d have a lot of clients. But, seriously, I’m broke. If someone wanted me? Absofuckinglutely. I could use the extra money.

I’m very lucky. I have a job that I actually love. It pays next to nothing. I work in the nonprofit world and haven’t had a raise in three years. Our money is supposed to go to funding our programs. But I love it and that’s a trade off I made. I could either have a job I hate that pays well, or a job I love that doesn’t and I chose the job I love. I am looking at an empty pantry and an empty gas tank and $100 to get me through the next two weeks. And I have no desire to pick up a crappy second job for minimum wage with a boss with a Napoleon complex.

But if I could be my own boss? A couple nights a week? Doing something I already love? Why the fuck not?

And not all johns are looking for prostitutes because they can’t find another woman to sleep with them. They are thousands of reasons and a big one is that they want sex without the hassle of dating. I get that, because I do, too. And, yes, I have considered paying for sex myself. In a way, I already have. By paying for a membership to AdultFriendFinder. As a woman, I have my choice on there. In my area, there are over 20,000 men that are members and just over 2,000 women. And that’s not taking into account how many of those women are actually real. So, in a way, that’s me paying for sex.

So, yes, if I had the chance, I would… if the demand was there… sell my body.

It would be my decision. If the guy squicked me out, I’d simply say no.

Because, oddly enough, I can do that. I have that ability. I have a brain and I’m not afraid to use it.

And maybe that’s what they are afraid of…

Jane, You Stupid Slut

What is a slut?

Really, ladies and gentlemen… I’d like to know. In your minds, what is a slut? Promiscuous? Easy?

This is something I struggle with a lot. I keep my sexuality hidden from those in my real life. And it’s because I don’t want to be labeled a slut.

There is still such a huge double standard when it comes to sex. It’s still perfectly fine for guys to go out and get laid every weekend. Different women every night. Not a problem. Men are genetically predisposed to spread their seed, right?

Well, what about us woman? Is it biological for us, too? Are we programmed to spread out legs and accept the seed to propagate the species? If so, why are we considered sluts when we do what’s natural?

It’s because we’re supposed to be evolved, right? As humans, we’re supposed to have the ability to fight against our instincts? Unless we’re men… If we have a penis, we’re unable to fight those instincts, therefore it’s perfectly alright to fuck around as we wish?

No… see, I don’t buy any of that. The spreading the seed thing.

I believe strongly that our sexual preference is something we’re born with. Gay folks are born that way. It’s not a choice we make. At no point in my life do I recall ever deciding to be heterosexual. I was born straight. Some are born gay. And, yes, I do believe that some are born bi.

Following that belief, the seed spreading theory doesn’t hold water with me. Because homosexuals don’t feel that need to mate in order to create a child. That doesn’t mean that they don’t feel the need to parent or raise a child. Or, maybe, they do feel that need to procreate but it’s not necessarily tied in to sex or sexual desires.

So… where does this slut thing come from? History? I’m not going to delve into the history of gender and gender roles. Do your own research on that. I want to talk about gender roles in today’s world.

We’re supposed to be equal, right? Women have been fighting for years to be recognized as gender equals. We can work the same jobs, get paid the same (HA!), vote, drink, drive, wear pants, etc., etc., etc.

What we can’t do is have sex solely for pleasure with partners that we don’t have any intention of forming a lasting relationship with. Men can, and do.

Women do, and they’re sluts.

Why haven’t we women fought for THOSE equal rights? Who and where is this coming from, this huge inequality? Men?

Nope, I don’t think so. Ladies, this is all on us. We’re the ones that point fingers and call each other sluts. We’re the ones holding ourselves down. Holding ME down. Keeping me from proudly displaying my sexuality for all to see.

Women have been so sexually repressed for so long that, it seems, we’re still not ready to embrace it. And when a woman does break free and realize that sex is enormous fun and doesn’t have to be about making babies, other women are very, very quick to gang up on her and slap the big SLUT label on her. And men will go right along with it because they want to stick their penises in vaginas and those vaginas will be sealed closed if men were to respect and accept those few sexually open women as equals.

I belong to Generation X. We came after the baby boomers… those lucky folks who got to drop acid and do the whole free love thing back in the 60s. It was perfectly fine to be a wild child, as long as you got it out of your system and married and made the babies and lived a perfectly respectable life. They got to have it both ways. Children in the 50s, in the days of Ozzie and Harriett, teens and young adults in the 60s and 70s when everything was groovy. Then they made their money in the Me Decade and settled into mediocrity and middle age in the 90s.

My generation missed those fun years and went to straight to the AIDs epidemic when we were teenagers. It was all about keeping your pants on unless you wanted to die a horrific death. Came out of that into the 90s… it was about, to me, acceptance and political correctness. I really don’t know if the 90s have been defined yet, but I recall them being about everything being extremely PC and no one having very much fun. Certainly no sexual revolution. It was all about playing it safe. Being safe, speaking safe, acting safe. Safe, safe, safe.

Don’t say anything to offend anyone, don’t do anything to offend anyone. We became a generation of liars for the sake of propriety. In some ways, it was very, very good. While there is still WAY too much bigotry and homophobia, I think that most sane intelligent people have banished those differences. We don’t automatically see color and we don’t really give a damn about someone’s sexual orientation unless we want to bang them. We learned a lot about how we’re basically all just humans trying to make a life on this planet.

Except that sexually open women are still labeled. And by each other. This needs to stop. We women are never going to truly be “equal” to men until we can accept that sex is natural, and good, and that nature has given us a clitoris, which is in no way tied to our reproductive organs.
The clit exists for pleasure, and only pleasure. It’s to make sex feel good. And that is nothing shameful. And it doesn’t have to be tied to a relationship built on marriage and making babies.

And a woman who is aware of this is not a slut. She’s a human being, equal in every way to men. Sex is about pleasure. Yes, a baby might be created during sex, but it might not. Sex has never been a guarantee that a child will be the result.

It’s time to realize and accept that sex is more than penile-vaginal intercourse. We use our entire bodies when having sex. We can orgasm from a variety of different types of stimuli. And orgasms aren’t required to make babies. An orgasm is for pleasure. Sex is for pleasure.

Stop shaming women who desire that pleasure without the constraints of a relationship. Just stop.